DIVERGENT CORNER

Not Wealth, money, attention, not even contentment is a cure for poverty. If they were, the Kardashians wouldn’t still be working so hard.

I am a feminist and boy! What a past couple of days it has been for us. Because, tell me, how do you begin to explain to a girl child that Charisma, honour, self respect, dignity etc are indeed, fundamental attributes that if well nurtured, will guarantee a fulfilling life, and that self love and self esteem have very little or no relationship with how much money you have, the size of your behind or even the number of followers you have.

How do I explain to my nieces and Goddaughter that if she happens to choose a niche where money and attention are requirements, like modelling for instance, that knowledge and creativity will provide far more impactful results than nudity and stupidity?

The extreme desire for fame, attention, external validation is a sign of emptiness, shallow mindedness and d because those are easily perishable commodities, one will always need to go one step more extreme than the last in order keep up. Everywhere you turn, there’s either bum bum, breasts or more recently, vagina waving at you.

I once explained to my wife and a couple of friends, my opinion on the immense power of women’s body and how I think not everyone seems to understand or simply chose to ignore. Like gravity, electromagnetic force etc, I strongly believe that women’s sexuality, not money, is among the most powerful, yet subtle forces that govern this world. Wars have been fought because of it. In fact, there are expert opinions that seem to suggest that world war 1 was started for this singular phenomenon- sexy.

In the last few days alone, I have seen how the need for attention seems to have overtaken that. I have never heard of “Chapell Roan” before until a few days ago. she is not the first nor the only controversially dressed celeb on the red carpet at the Grammy awards, but coupled with the stupid “shakira” challenge on tiktok, the viral Southern African girl who broke records to become famous overnight for nudity content, all but makes too much happening at once. It is dead scary.

It starts gradually. Dressing provocatively for no reason at all, intentionally accentuating certain features, doing a video of yourself and posting online for views. GenZs have a term for it. “Thirst-trapping”. Over time, you feel the need to beat the personal record of views so you add a few choreographed dance challenge to it, the outfits get skimpier as the views and engagement grow larger. Rich, Corrupt politicians, Morally bankrupt old men start sending you unearned money to “encourage” you to do more. Sex /ego driven yahoo boys start taking you to places that only a few months ago, you could only dream of. Now you are able to afford the most expensive wig, your skin is now fairer than the fairest of ten thousand to my soul. Your league of friends suddenly change because you are hanging out with our potbellied, wayward uncles as sugar daddies and rolling out with our thug brothers. Life just flips in an instant for you with no effort at all and you start to think less and less of people who have been broke all their lives. You see them as mumu for taking the long road to earning an honest living.

Your broke parents and older siblings now look up to because you are one phone call away or one bum bum shaking video away from recieving alert worth more than their annual wages combined. Now here is the most terrifying aspect, you become role model for your teenage nieces. They listen to no one but you because in their subconscious mind, you must be very wise to have emersed so much more than their parents even though you are the youngest of the lot. Their rebellion grows stronger for seemingly no apparent cause but it is you they are unconsciously mirroring, you are happy being the “cool” aunt.

By this stage, you are an OG on OF, a line of job that requires no OH clearance. You are now an agent with a long line of friends, up and coming hook up girls who would lick you foot for a taste of the pie. Ok, I really should stop trying to rhyme, lets we stray from aim.

A lot of people think that girls indulge in nudity, and sexuality because of maybe, of poverty, but that is not true. The majority of female adult entertainers are multimillionaires in their own rights and that hasn’t stopped them, not that they lack contentment, some of them already have more money than they can spend in 3 life times yet, that hasn’t stopped them.

Others think they do it for the attention. Well, in fairness, attention brings fame, even if fleeting, and because we live in a generation where attention has been monetised, women’s sexuality is the perfect, yet most violotile commodity for that industry. It’s like a fuel has been leaking in a room and somebody intentionally just lights a candle (social media) inside. Hopefully I don’t live long enough to see the devastating impact this deadly combo has birthed.

In my opinion, all this is caused by lack of depth. Most girls, are not drilled enough to have deep layers of understanding and a richness in perspective. To have a broader sense of life and derive meaning, carve a path and have a self-designed vision to pursue in life. I do not have the words to describe it but long ago, society had set the bar very low for women. while many have noticed this and pushed the boundaries, the majority, especially Nigerian girls, are still trapped in that era. Shackled by the flawed old-school norm that regards women as subservient, many are still struggling in that bondage.

That is why the entitlement mentality that makes it is a guy’s responsibility to care for his girlfriend is still annoyingly strong even now. While boys are often more encouraged to pursue greatness, to model the charisma and influence of great historical figures like the Obamas, Mandela’s, there is just not enough push for the girl child in that regard, not enough role models too.

Nigeria girls still operate on a level of inherited, internalised schema that greatness is genda based and that their entire essence is to look as good as possible to attract and please a rich man. Not more, not less. I think If we teach girls to think more introspectively, to have a wider perspective, to be brave enough to have open and honest conversations, imagine their worst fears/nightmares and analyse it critically. Imagine if no one marries you in this life, will you die? Ok, if you now marry and have kids, do you think that was God’s ultimate job for you? Are you that insignificant? You have no passions to chase, no department to leave your imprint for at least 20 years after you die apart from your family?

I have seen tombs and castles of great men from 2000 years ago. My girl should understand that women are just as capable and allowed to do great things other than child bearing. I am yet to see any monument erected to immortalise the “biggest breasts ever lived”. I am team booby, trust me, if there was, I’d know.

There is more to life than pleasing men and getting married. There must be a paradigm shift. Girls Must Have passion beyond external aesthetics. They need to realise that they are just as capable of positive influence that is far beyond being uwar zumunta, Matron, headmistress governor or president just for the gender/social significance, but an outright capacity to be better than the best, leave indelible footprints.

There’s an elderly black woman who died recently. Her mathematical calculations are what gave us GPS now. If you use Satnave, it’s all thanks to her work. She will forever be remembered as one of the people who changed the way we see the universe. I wonder why women like that don’t seem cool to Young girls at all.

Young women need to understand that living, even an anonymous life can be just as fulfilling if one dedicates time and attention in the pursuit of meaning, it opens our eyes to the wonders we can achieve regardless of gender. Girls must understand that money/wealth, love, beauty and acceptance all combined doesn’t add up to 20% of an individual’s entire existence and potential. Life is deeper than that.

Until real substance and value like Chimamanda, Mrs Obama, Gretta Tumberg etc, become the trendy “woke” or “cool” guys, girls must be taught that they too can imitate great men, be orators, writers, scholars, scientists and influence even the small group in your neighborhood. You will find fulfilment if you feed your brain with substance and cover your yeye bress with 5 Naira nylon.

2 years ago, I promised to give boys relationship advice but I totally forgot until now. It was basically to encourage Jos boys not to conform to the unwritten social norm that we cannot toast, date, or even marry a girl in an upper social class, be it educationally, financially or otherwise. It was meant to be my angry response to a trending video of people shaming this young man just showing his morning skin care routine. The comments were full grown people mocking him not being man enough, not busy hustling enough just because he took a few minutes to care for his skin.

I was infuriated, not only because I’d only recently started doing skincare care myself at the time, but I was pissed that boys have been conditioned to think that their entire life is meant to carry burden not meant for them. Like it is our life’s sole essence to earn money, sweat and tears, just to give it to some self entitled, spoilt, brain dead, little brat incapable of self sustainance without being a parasite to other people’s innocent boys. That is why you will often hear questions like “can you take care of me”? “Can your salary pay for my body lotion or wig” ? “I am a classy, high maintenance babe, I need a rich guy”

Meanwhile, you are probably older, smarter, even have more prospect if life than the stupid girl, Yet society normalises only the aspect where girls can be with a partner who is superior to them in every facet, like it is ok for them to marry a man who is comfortable being her entire source of livelihood, however, as a man, you will be humiliated for even thinking it. Every weekend, you go for lavish owambe, funded entirely by the groom but the bride’s entire net worth is not more than the rented wig on her head.

What boys must understand is that this disgusting mentality exists only within the poor, shallow minded class who have nothing to offer. Not to say there is anything wrong with marrying for mutual love regardless of social class, but I feel a sense of duty to inform you that you are allowed that privilege as well. I tell you the truth, if you fancy Tems or Rihanna, go for it. There is no law that limits us broke boys to the lowest of the lot.

I decree and declare No girl, not even if she has gold plated nyash should make you think less of yourself simply because you can’t afford her basic survival needs, a role reserved exclusively for who ever brought her into this life or herself, if she is an adult.

A wise man once told me that Life is a Marathon, no matter how rapid you are, if you team up with a tortoise, which you totally have a choice not to, you will lose. The wise man is me of course, and I am not known to be wrong on matters of love. 😂

Here’s how to know if you need to level up your game. If you do not know any older, respectable, high class babe that is giving you green light, it means you and I should better get to work. Because those are usually the subtle indicators to tell you how you are doing generally as a man. When a fantastic babe seem to be liking you for no apparent reason, not because she is lonely or desperate, nor for your beauty or money, then you know you are looking after your mind and your body well. Ignore the sentiments of broke desperate girls. By all means, marry who you love, all I am saying is that the one you could love might be playing in league above you, those girls too need love.

You don’t have to “settle” for championship standard when the UCL is up for grabs. See Arsenal, for instance, they have a whole shelf built just for champions league trophies. Comical, but you have to applaud the faith and audacity. Anything is possible, we broke boys don’t have to feast on the leftovers

My point is, real girls, who have money, plenty of sense and a deeper understanding of life, care little about your financial status. You may be crushing, heck, she may even be your soulmate but you cannot summon the courage to express your feelings. She, probably wants you to make the move, those types of girls don’t usually like cats🐈, so don’t chicken out.

You stand a realistic chance, but of course only if your skin looks like milk, hair well groomed, clean, glossy facial trim then smell fresh like today bread. Doesn’t have to be expensive. How will you get that if you have allowed those small small broke girls to pressure you into hustling like a tractor and having tough skin like baboon just so you might earn one date. My brother, I am here to tell you that society has lied to us. Accomplished, well mannered girls want you too. You have the fundamental human right, like everyone else, I think they should put that in the constitution, to date only within a social class of your choice. You are allowed to punch above your weight. Just have substance upstairs, add value, If you are not financially there yet, the stuff in your head, the elegance of your presence will make you a valuable companion even to Rihanna 100%. Being a gentleman is still woke. You don’t need the unnecessary pressure that comes with making money for social acceptance. Ill-gotten wealth/money+arrogance usually come as a packaged deal. Any girl you end up with in that situation is more or less your maid/staff not your partner. In conclusion, I want you to close your eyes and hold on to something firmly as I say this because it will shock you. Picture that small girl tormenting your life as a wife or girlfriend, now, imagine a scenario where you got rid of her with no significant damage to your finances or growth potential as a man, like going separate ways will not cause you any realistic set back, even temporarily. If that is you, my brother, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that woman, is not your partner but your slave girl. I don’t care how long you have been lied to, as your pastor, I say to you, Punch! Somebody shout Hallelujah!