DIVERGENT CORNER

DECISION, DESCISIONS

Preparing for the long-term sickness meeting on the 3rd of Feb 2026, I find myself at a crossroads. The looming prospect that this could well be my last day at this job, my contract about to be terminated due to medical reasons is a painful reminder of my past experiences. It’s like a “De ja Vu”. Anyway, I hope for the best, but preparing my mind for the worst.

I have had the unfortunate pleasure of attending a couple in the past year, I kid you not, these sickness meetings are just formalities than genuine offer of support. Each time, I’m asked the same question: what adjustments do you think you need? And each time, I am left sitting there, brain frozen, tongue tied, my answer often sounds like “I really don’t know.” But the truth, it is not that I don’t know, the adjustments I believe would genuinely help me recover and function well are not possible within the current structure/policies. Nor do I expect the policy to be adjusted just for me. So, I’m placed in the uncomfortable position of having to over explain my limitations, and feel as though I’m failing to provide answers, when in reality, the system itself doesn’t offer/allow what would work for me- Work from home

I am at my best when I am allowed to work from home. It is where my mind becomes calm enough to be creative and structured enough to be highly productive. Away from constant chit chats , interruptions, and the pressure of performative presence. I can focus deeply and often produce two to three times the output I manage in the office, where much of my energy is spent simply coping rather than contributing.

Evidence shows that autistic and ADHD professionals thrive with flexibility, autonomy, quiet environments, and task-based rather than time-based output. My productivity is not linear, or clock driven. I work most effectively when my contribution is measured by what I achieve, not how long I am physically present. In that setting, I can complete in a day what may take others several days.

The NHS model, however, is largely time-based, prioritising attendance and fixed schedules over actual output. This limits my ability to use my strengths

Those sickness meeting experiences turned what should be a supportive process into something stressful all I see is performative empathy rather than practical offer of support.

I am navigating an impossible path; It’s like an unsolvable piece of puzzle. I think about this every moment of my life but never found a way out. I considered my options carefully. All my options are nothing but dead end, I tried an algorithm, I even drew a Venn diagram of my conundrum.

 My most preferred choice would be to return home, back to my home country. The last 5 years of my life has been nothing but hell. Due to rigid NHS policies, I have had to move from Grimsby to Southampton to be with my wife because they won’t employ her due to immigration policies, costing me £4000 in the process to voluntarily terminate my contract as specified in the retention clause. 1 year in Soton meant I had to leave again because they won’t offer me a permanent contract. Then to Wrexham where I was close to leaving after just one year because it seemed I wasn’t going to be granted. As a result, I have had four jobs in 5 years, my employment History is a disaster, I even totally understand why no one would give me a job.

I need time away to recover, reflect and re-strategies. However, going back home comes with significant challenges, it is not simply a logistic dilemma, it would mean losing the stability and the life I’ve built here, including my family and home. The financial and emotional toll would be impossible to compensate. This option is not feasible, at least, not anytime soon.

My second option is to take a career break, However, due to visa requirements and obligations, this option is not feasible, as it would jeopardize my visa and settlement status.

The third option involves taking a career break but also potentially undertake a master’s degree during the period to maintain my visa and keep my career progression on track. Yet, I have been made aware that the nature of my contract, balancing cardiology and research, makes this path complicated and not easily achievable.

The Last option for me is a full time research position, but this is also not without obstacles. There are no vacancies/Hours means this is not possible either. It is a frustrating cycle; each potential solution is blocked by significant hurdles.

Ultimately, the core of my struggle is the mismatch between the adjustments I need and what the workplace can offer. It’s not just about wanting to work from home; it’s about the profound impact on my mental and emotional well-being. The lack of feasible solutions only deepens my frustration and the feeling of being a burden.

As I move forward, I’m determined to navigate these complexities with resilience, hoping to find a path that brings both stability and fulfilment.