DIVERGENT CORNER

The funniest thing about living as an undiagnosed neurodivergent is you don’t know that you are not like everyone else. You are just constantly wondering how your friends seem to miraculously remember every single event or task with so much incredible details meanwhile, you have completely forgotten. When you are finally able to remember stuff, you feel like you should be rewarded for even just remembering. Like you just won a medal but instead of a standing ovation, everyone is just chill and relaxed because it didn’t take them any brain power to do that

Low key, you start to start doub yourself, knowing you will never measure up. They breeze through tasks like it’s nothing, but it takes you 3 times the effort just to get average. The overthinking kicks in, and you’re brainstorming strategies to keep up. You start to wonder, “Does everyone else spend this much brainpower just to be this good?”

Before you know it, you’re lost in thought, anxiety creeping in, and your legs are shaking like you’ve had too much coffee. You can’t help but think, “Damn, it’s a tough world out here.”

On the outside, you look cool calm, and collected, like you’ve got everything under control, but inside, your brain is complete chaos bouncing between a million thoughts. What takes regular people one try takes you four or five attempts just to hit average. Your memory seems like a sieve! Lariya. Never hold anything.

Let’s not even get started on your procrastination. It is so epic that you’d sometimes rather risk missing out on golden opportunities than get off your sofa and actually do stuff. You’ve mastered the art of watching the clock tick while absolutely nothing happens. When other people show enthusiasm, you’re like, “Do they even have a life? Why are they so full of energy and motivation? It becomes genuinely annoying that the world won’t let you catch a break, there’s always something that needs doing and everyone is just full of energy and motivation about it but all you want to do is curled up in your blanket in silence.

You’ll make plans with your friends for next week, but by the time the day rolls around, you’ve completely forgotten about it. When someone reminds you, your first thought is, “Wait, we still going?” because somewhere in the waiting period, you’ve lost every last drop of interest. You can’t fathom how everyone else is still excited, while you’re over here mentally rescheduling it for tomorrow, or let’s be honest, canceling it altogether.

You procrastinate even life-changing tasks that need your most urgent attention but somehow you keep ignoring it and secretly wish it somehow magically gets done. Need to renew your passport, or finish an important assignment? Meh, that sounds like a problem for future you. Maybe you’ll sort that after just one more episode of Big Bang Theory, a sitcom you’ve seen like 2 million times only

By the time you finally muster all your attention and motivation, limited as they are, to finally sit down and get work done, that is when those singlets you washed since last week waiting to be folded suddenly appear like the most urgent task in the world. Yep, you start folding, before you know it, you’ve started deep-cleaning your entire house but half way through, you are making chicken pepper soup, but those important deadlines? Yep! still untouched.

Let’s talk about your executive functioning skills. You didn’t even know that was a thing, did you? Let me break it down from a neurodivergent perspective. Paperwork/admin duties? Absolute nightmare. But clinical skills? You’re a rockstar. You could probably insert a catheter with one hand, eyes closed, while using the other hand to irrigate a nasty compound fracture with bone fragments everywhere. You thrive in Chaos! When everyone else is panicking and running around like headless chickens, you’re as smooth as James Bond, handling the crisis like it’s no big deal. But the moment you’ve calmed the storm, it’s like your brain hits the shutdown button. Suddenly, you can’t find the words to write in your report. You’ve worked on a patient for 12 straight hours, but all you can manage to scribble down is three sad little lines. You forget where they keep the gloves, and mask and somehow, you don’t even know the correct procedure for discharging a patient. You think about asking your colleague, but then you remember you’ve been working in this hospital longer than anyone else. They should be asking you! When you finally muster the courage to ask, they look at you like you’ve just grown a second head. “Are you kidding me right now? I told you this exact thing this morning!” And you’re left wondering, “Did I really ask this today? Oh yeah, I did.” So, you smile awkwardly, say thanks, and walk away feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.

Low key, you wish you had an assistant following you around, cleaning up your mess and handling all those mundane tasks that you just can’t be bothered with. People love working with you because you don’t mind doing all the messy stuff as long as someone else does the writing and finishing all the fine details. Documentation? Waste of your time. You’d rather risk disciplinary action than spend five extra minutes on paperwork.

When someone sends you a long email, you skim through it with mounting anxiety, praying you can make sense of it. And when you finally figure out what they’re talking about, you’re left wondering, “Why on God’s green earth will it take you a whole essay just to invite me to a meeting? couldn’t they just say this in one sentence like a normal human?” You quickly type a two word reply but just about you about to hit send, then you think, “Hmm, this might come off as rude after all that dogon turanci.” But you can’t figure out a paragraph long way of just telling your manager that you’ll be there, while you are still thinking, you suddenly remember that moccasin you saw last week and regret why you didn’t buy it. Then start wondering what you will eat when you get home, whether you should you branch and buy aleho for lawur porridge or just fry some chips and eggs.

Next thing you know, Six days later, they send you a follow-up email to RSVP the meeting invite they sent one week ago, now you are annoyed. “How many times will they disturb me about this? I told them I’ll be there!” But as you look for the email trail, you find your two-word reply still sitting in drafts. You didn’t hit send! You dumbass! Panic sets in, your heart starts racing, as you scroll down, you realize there are five other unreplied emails.

You finally attend the meeting, and everyone’s looking at you like you’re completely uninterested in your job because you can’t seem to handle the simplest things. They’re mad at you because they think you’re doing this on purpose. after all, they know you’re more than capable. Heck, you’re one of the smartest people they know. But you can’t convince them otherwise because, honestly, you have no excuse. The worst part? You look cool, calm, and collected in your well-ironed shirt and smooth haircut, but inside, your legs are shaking, your mind is racing, and you keep asking yourself, “Am I just stupid, or are these people way too serious about things that don’t even matter?”

You notice that even the newcomers seem to know your colleagues’ names and everyone else more than you. Every day, you’re asking the same questions about how a certain task is done after they’ve shown you 10 times before. You can’t seem to organize your tasks, but when there’s complex work to do, everyone relies on you to get it done because that’s when you’re at your best. You make the hard stuff look easy, yet you can’t even organize tomorrow’s work schedule. You’re just too complex. On one hand, you’re smart—everyone thinks so. But on the other hand, you’re always one second away from doing the dumbest thing ever. There’s no in between for you; you live on two extremes. You see your friends with their meticulously organized plans, even down to the trivial stuff, and you’re like, “Wow, I really need to get my acts together.” But then you know that’s basically an impossible thing for you.

That is the hilarious yet truthful saga of my life, before someone finally noticed my quirky ways and kindly suggested, “Hey, maybe you’re neurodivergent, and maybe, just maybe, you should seek some help.”

During my idle days, when it was Just me and my thoughts. I dissected and analyzed every flaw, and the more I read about ADHD and autism, the more it all started to make sense. It was a time of relief, self-forgiveness, and accepting myself, my flaws and all.

At one point, I thought, “Come on, you’re old enough to know this wasn’t normal.” But then it hit me. I’d never had a break in my life to sit idle and reflect on who I am. It was always hustling. Just hustle, hustle, and more hustle. At one point, I even called myself “Hustle human, half hustler” a slogan to keep me motivated. I Never had time for myself, I started work straight out of nursing school, then to juggling full-time uni with full-time hectic nursing jobs, including three years in JUTH’s A&E. Only those who’ve worked there know what that means. Losing my job was hell, the most humbling moment of my life. But the silver lining? It took losing my job to finally find myself. Boredom became my life coach.

Now, let me tell you how my ADHD brain led me to dumb decisions. I took a job in clinical research—on probation, no less. But did I read the contract thoroughly to know it was probation? Nah. Even if I had, I wouldn’t have known what a probationary period meant. I’m a professional, I have never done anything “on probation.” Careless me, I only glanced at the contract to check the most important thing: Pay, and signed my life away. Little did I know I was going to be assessed by people who thoroughly disliked me. ADHD will make you small in situations you’re greater than, with people you’re far more skilled and experienced than.

Boredom forced me back to the drawing board. I suffered great injustice and but I decided to focus on my own shortcomings that landed me that situation in the first place. I had an open and honest conversation with myself: “Everything you know is a lie. Your life starts now. This new phase requires a new you, a superior version of yourself. You’re in a world where you have to be twice as good to get what you deserve. The old you is not bad but it won’t serve you going forward. Switch it up boy!! “

When I took up a new job in the NHS, nursing in a cardiology ward. I turned down better alternatives offers because I needed to re-strategize and solidify my new habits. I had two goals in mind: improve my pen game (paper work) and build my executive functioning skills and there’s no better place to do that than in a chaotic, never ending paperwork job in an NHS hospital.

I’ve come to realize that there are habits I should have consciously adopted much sooner in life, not just to adapt to my new reality but because they’re things I believe every young man, neurodivergent or not, should do.

Exercise is important for everyone, but I’ve learned it is especially non-negotiable for Neurodivergents. As a high masking Autistic/ADHD person, there are certain aspects of the brain that aren’t as “sharp” or “active” as a regular person’s so I need all the exercise I can get to keep my brain pumping every ounce of dopamine there is

I never used to exercise. Even when I managed to drag myself to do it, I never found the consistency. Always finding excuse to keep me out of the gym. Honestly, I couldn’t see myself maintaining the drive to stick to it. I tried, and it always ended up being a waste of time and money. So, what did I do? I ditched the gym and started working out at home. Now, I have to hit 60 push-ups and 60 squats before I shower, five days a week. I leave a couple of days for my muscles to relax and recover, because, hey, they deserve it.

When motivation starts to deep, I remind myself of my goal: getting those six-pack and chest needs work !! And you know what? It’s actually working. I know haters will say it’s a lie

My mind feels sharper than ever; the brain fog that used to cloud my thoughts is a distant memory. I also make sure to eat healthier. I’ve always been a picky eater, but I realized I needed to add more greens and fruits to my diet. Some days, I don’t feel like eating them, but I remind myself that I no longer have the luxury of living the way I want—I have to do what’s best for me.

In therapy, I learned my procrastination isn’t my fault. I was also taught the Five Commandments of Procrastination.
1) “Thou shall not trust thyself to remember.” You simply cannot trust yourself to remember anything, so write everything down. If you think, “I’ll do that later,” write it down immediately because there’s a 99.9% chance you’ll forget. My phone has become my precious assistant; I use notes and Siri to set alarms for even the tiniest tasks.
2) “Thou shall not sit until the task is done.” When I get home, I don’t sit down until everything on my to do list is completed. It might be simple things like booking MOT for my car or replying to important messages or emails. And let me tell you, the rush of relief and happiness I get when my to-do list is all checked off? Pure bliss.

As for inattention, I realized my knowledge is scattered. This is why I struggle to keep track of things. So, I have learned to group information in my head—breaking down my job into clinical skills and paperwork. Neurotypical people do this naturally, but for us, information is scattered in our heads. I’m relearning nursing afresh, reading the entire Brunner and Suddarth textbook of medical-surgical nursing. Nurses know the struggle. But my new perspective is helping me organize my knowledge, and every time I read, I feel this huge relief, like, “Oh, that makes sense now.”

Switching in beween tasks is another challenge. For instance, it took all my focus and attention to sit down and write this. I’m hyperfocused, deep in writing mode. My head is shut down to everything else. If I had to go to work after this, I’d still be obsessing over this post wondering if I’m oversharing, if my grammar and spelling are decent. All of this, with a million other intrusive thoughts swirling around, makes it hard to switch into “work mode” and that is the kind of situations Neurodivergents make silly mistakes because you are only there physically, your mind and spirit have not switch into Work mode with you. So, I’ve learned to arrive work a lity early and quietly walk around and observe everything and everyone. It helps me mentally switch before my shift even starts. People stare and wondering what I’m doing, but na only me know wetin dey sup.

I’ve learned to stay hydrated because you’d be surprised how much effect even a tiny bit of dehydration, even just half a liter, can have on you. I also practice mindfulness Meditation, or as I like to call it, “mind decluttering.” Basically, I sit in absolute silence for 10 to 15 minutes twice a day. They call it mindfulness meditation, but I see it as hitting the pause button on my hyperactive brain, closing my eyes, and focusing on deep breathing. It helps me a lot.

I’ve got a lot more to say, but honestly, I’m too tired to keep writing. My rambling might not make much sense, so let me sum it up. There are people out there who might never get the chance to be properly diagnosed or get the meds they need, like I eventually did. But I found these strategies helpful even before medication.

The takeaway? Take care of yourself, whether you’re neurodivergent or not. And above all, be kind to everyone, because you never know what battles they’re fighting. Living with undiagnosed neurodivergence

is like wandering in the dark—so let’s all try to be a little light for each other.
Peace ✌️